“I can't make [them] not hurt; all I can do is help them know [they] aren't alone.” - EFT Couple
What is EFT, really?
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a research-backed, structured approach to couples therapy that focuses on one thing above all else: the emotional bond between you and your partner.
Most couples come to therapy thinking their problem is communication—but underneath the words are emotions that never fully land. Longing. Hurt. Fear. Shame. And when those feelings aren’t seen or responded to? We protect ourselves. We shut down. We fight harder.
In EFT, I help you identify the negative interaction cycles that keep you stuck—whether that’s criticism and defense, silence and shutdown, or feeling like you’re walking on eggshells. Together, we get underneath those patterns and learn to share the deeper, more vulnerable emotions driving them. That’s where the real healing happens.
What does EFT look like in session?
This isn’t a debate club. It’s not about “who’s right.”
EFT is about slowing down, tuning in, and learning to express your experience in a way that your partner can actually hear.
Here’s what we’ll do:
Uncover the raw spots that get triggered in your relationship
Understand the deeper emotions hiding beneath reactivity or withdrawal
Practice sharing those emotions in a safer, more connecting way
Learn to respond to each other with empathy, not defensiveness
Rebuild trust, emotional safety, and a sense of being on the same team again
What EFT isn’t:
EFT isn’t about blaming either of you.
It’s not one person’s fault.
And it’s definitely not about shaming you for your coping strategies.
You both make sense.
The cycle doesn’t mean you’re broken—it means you’re caught in a loop.
My job is to help you see that loop clearly and gently step out of it together.
Does EFT actually work?
Yes. And the research backs it up.
Studies show that 70–75% of couples recover from relationship distress using EFT. An additional 15–20% show significant improvement, even if they don’t check every box for “perfect progress.”
It’s one of the most well-researched and effective models of couples therapy out there.
How long does it take?
It depends on what you’re carrying.
If your relationship is strong but stuck, and you’re both committed to the process, you may see real changes in 3–6 months of consistent work.
If you’re coming in with a history of trauma, unresolved conflict, emotional injuries (like infidelity or betrayal), or attachment wounds from childhood—it might take longer. That doesn’t mean it’s hopeless. It just means we take our time and move at a pace that keeps the work safe and effective.
Will talking about all of this make things worse?
Short answer: No. Avoiding it already is.
When we don’t talk about what hurts, the hurt grows.
The silence gets louder. The distance gets wider.
Facing these issues in a safe space gives you the best possible chance to repair, reconnect, and get clear—whether that leads to healing your relationship or making an empowered decision about the future. Either way, it won’t be from a place of fear or reactivity.
Why does working with a therapist help?
Because when you’re inside the storm, it’s hard to see the pattern.
Think of me as your guide with the map—not because I know everything, but because I know how to spot the trailheads you can’t always see from where you’re standing.
With training in Emotionally Focused Therapy and years of experience walking couples through the messiest parts of their relationships, I help you slow down the chaos, find the pattern, and shift it—together.
Still have questions about what therapy looks like, my fees, or how to get started?
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