What happens when something as personal and painful as vaginismus starts to impact your relationship?
In this heartfelt episode of Coupled With…, I sit down with Urvi to talk about how she and her partner faced vaginismus together—and came out stronger. We explore the emotional toll of pain during sex, how it can create distance or shame in a relationship, and what real support and healing can look like when you face it as a team.
Whether this is your story or you simply want to understand what it’s like, this conversation is vulnerable, validating, and full of hope.
Listen or read below.
When intimacy becomes a source of fear instead of connection, it can feel like something is broken—not just in your body, but in your relationship.
This is the story of how one woman, Urvi, faced that fear head-on. And how healing from vaginismus became the doorway not only to physical comfort—but to a deeper, more emotionally connected partnership with her husband.
“What’s wrong with me?”
That was the question echoing in Urvi’s mind when she first began noticing something was off. Pain, fear, and a growing wall between her and the intimacy she longed for. Like many women, she had never even heard of vaginismus—a condition that causes involuntary tightening of the vaginal muscles, making intercourse and even routine exams painful or impossible.
It took years—two full years—from diagnosis to taking the first step toward treatment. In the meantime, Urvi felt shame, isolation, and a creeping sense that her marriage might not survive it.
The Silence Between Them
For a long time, Urvi kept her diagnosis a secret from her husband. They’d built their relationship on deep friendship and trust, but in her fear, she convinced herself that this would be the thing that broke them.
“I thought, once he finds out, he won’t want to be with me anymore. He’ll leave.”
She delayed the conversation, replaying worst-case scenarios in her mind. But eventually, she told him.
And instead of judgment, he said,
“What do we need to do?”
That moment changed everything.
Healing Isn’t Just Physical—It’s Relational
Urvi began pelvic floor physical therapy, working with a practitioner who helped her reconnect with her body through breath, awareness, and a mind-body approach. She learned how tightness in her muscles reflected deeper patterns of tension, stress, and emotional holding.
She also began to study energy, emotion, and spirituality—connecting dots between physical pain and unspoken fear, between tension and trauma.
But something bigger shifted when she let her husband into the healing process.
At first, she felt like this was her problem to fix. That because her body was the one in pain, she needed to carry the weight of the solution. But that belief only deepened the emotional divide.
“Even though I had told him, I still kept him out.
I thought I had to figure it out alone.”
When she started including him—sharing how her sessions went, what emotions came up, how she was really feeling—they began to heal together.
A Relationship Rebuilt Through Presence and Patience
As Urvi worked through therapy, her husband didn’t just support her—he joined her.
He showed up. He asked questions. He listened.
And for the first time in a long time, Urvi saw him clearly again—not just as a travel-weary husband, but as the loving partner who chose to stay through every moment of her journey.
“I started to see how much he really loved and cared for me.
That he was still here, still with me.”
This opening created something new in their relationship: a deeper emotional intimacy grounded in shared experience, vulnerability, and mutual care.
From Judgment to Curiosity
There was another transformation happening too—inside Urvi.
She stopped judging herself for having vaginismus. She stopped judging her husband for not being around more. She stopped telling herself stories about abandonment or rejection.
And instead, she got curious.
“I moved from judgment to curiosity.
I stopped making up stories and started asking questions.”
This shift changed their dynamic. Instead of acting from resentment or fear, Urvi created space—for herself and her partner—to show up as they were. To breathe. To respond differently. To reconnect.
Healing Isn’t Linear (And That’s Okay)
Of course, vaginismus wasn’t the end of their story.
After Urvi overcame the pain, she faced another hurdle: infertility. Then, IVF. Then, postpartum depression and anxiety.
Each phase brought its own set of fears, frustrations, and moments of wanting to give up.
“There were times I thought maybe we should split.
That I was too much, that I was ruining his life with all my pain.”
But every time, her husband gently reminded her:
“I’m not going anywhere.”
Rituals That Keep Connection Alive
One of the most powerful parts of Urvi’s story is the small, steady rituals she and her husband created to stay connected:
Weekly check-ins to coordinate schedules and goals
Honest conversations about what they were each going through
A shared understanding that while their roles were different, their journey was shared
In my work with couples, I often call these “couples meetings”—structured but flexible time to reconnect, recalibrate, and recommit to each other. Urvi and her husband built this into their rhythm. And it made all the difference.
Energy Is Everything
As a life coach working in the spiritual space, Urvi now teaches others what she lived through:
“Energy is everything. Thoughts, emotions, even our attention—it’s all energy.
And we get to choose how we move with it.”
She learned to notice when her energy felt stuck or heavy—and how to shift it with breath, intention, or presence. She teaches that when we stop trying to control others and start owning our own energy, relationships begin to change.
Final Thoughts: Healing Happens Between Us
Urvi’s story is about more than just vaginismus.
It’s about the stories we carry about our bodies, our worth, our relationships—and how those stories can shift when we feel safe enough to rewrite them.
It’s a reminder that healing isn’t just something that happens within us—it happens between us.
When we let people in.
When we stop hiding.
When we show up messy, scared, and honest.
And when we let love, curiosity, and care replace fear, judgment, and shame.
You don’t need another script. You need a reset.
In just 7 days, Break the Cycle will teach you how to:
Spot your relationship’s reactivity pattern
Regulate in the moment (even when you’re triggered)
Communicate in a way that finally lands
💥 Let’s make your next hard moment a breakthrough—not a breakdown.